On Mother’s Day, we celebrate the irreplaceable role our mothers play in our lives and express our gratitude and appreciation in various ways. They are the glue that often unites the family, offering unwavering love and support.
While Mother’s Day reminds us to celebrate moms, let’s not forget the other unsung heroes in our families who support cancer survivors. These family members quietly provide essential care and encouragement throughout the journey. Do we also take the time to express our gratitude to them? Often, their contributions go unnoticed, leaving them feeling underappreciated. Let’s acknowledge and honour their sacrifices to show them how much they truly matter.
Importance of Expressing Gratitude
Why is expressing gratitude so crucial on one’s cancer journey? Positive psychology tells us that gratitude enhances our overall well-being and strengthens relationships. In the face of cancer, expressing appreciation can help to boost resilience as they focus on the positive aspects of their lives, deepen connections with their loved ones and help with perspective shift and reframing of challenges.
The power of gratitude extends beyond expressing thanks to others; it also benefits us. Research, like one by Floyd et al. (2018), has shown that cultivating an attitude of gratitude can trigger a range of positive effects, both for ourselves and for those around us.
- Biological – Improves physical health and helps with better sleep
- Psychological – Enhances psychological well-being, lesser irritability, and higher self-esteem
- Social – Positive effect on interpersonal relationships
- Benefit to self – Recognizing the contributions of others strengthens our support system. Grant & Gino (2010) suggests that expressing gratitude encourages further support, fostering stronger interpersonal relationships. This ultimately translates to a more robust support network during cancer treatment, potentially leading to better recovery outcomes.
- Benefit to others – A simple act of acknowledging caregivers’ contributions can have a profound impact. Grant & Gino (2010) suggests it can boost their sense of social worth and self-esteem, while also reducing family conflict during challenging times.
Difficulty in Expressing Gratitude
Expressing gratitude to our loved ones can sometimes be challenging due to cultural influences where some cultures may not emphasise verbal expressions of appreciation, as well as communication barriers when we do not know how to effectively express our gratitude or misunderstand each others’ love languages.
The saying “It takes two to clap” applies to gratitude as well. We might put in a lot of effort to thank someone, but the message falls flat. Why does this happen?
Gratitude is a powerful tool, but expressing it effectively can be an art. Mendonça et. al. (2018) has identified three key aspects of showing appreciation:
- Verbal gratitude – This involves polite acknowledgements in everyday interactions. Think of saying “thank you” to someone who holds the door for you. It is a quick recognition but without further action or a deeper connection.
- Concrete gratitude – This goes beyond words by returning the favour in some way, even if it doesn’t directly benefit the original person who helped. For example, bringing a gift when invited to someone’s home shows appreciation for their hospitality. It is a thoughtful gesture that acknowledges their effort.
- Connective gratitude – Reciprocate with thoughtful actions by considering and addressing the needs or desires of the person that you are thanking, thereby forming a connection with the person who provided help. For example, imagine treating your friends to a meal of their choice after they helped you move.
According to Mendonça et. al., (2018), connective gratitude which considers the needs and desires of others when repaying a favour is the preferred way of expressing gratitude in Singapore. However, do we really know the needs and desires of our loved ones, especially as they are going through the cancer-fighting journey?
Here are some questions we can try asking to find out more about their actual wants and needs:
- How are you feeling?
- How can I help you?
- What can I do for you to make you feel better?
- Could you tell me more about what might be helpful for you?
- Is there anything that I can get for you?
Now that we understand the power of expressing gratitude, let’s explore some practical skills that we can apply to effectively express gratitude in our daily lives:
Once you’re aware of your loved ones’ contributions, allow yourself to truly feel the warmth of appreciation. Mindfulness practices can be powerful tools to deepen these feelings, helping you recognize the positive impact they have on your life.
- Awareness – Become aware of the countless ways that our loved ones support us. Think about the things that you often take for granted, like the chores they do or the time that they dedicate to spend time with us despite their busy schedules. Reflective exercises like keeping a gratitude journal or practising mindfulness can help you become more mindful of these everyday acts of love.
- Appreciation – Allow yourself to feel the warmth of appreciation for your loved ones’ contributions. Mindfulness practices can be powerful tools to deepen these feelings, helping you recognise the positive impact they have on your life.
- Admiration – Take time to highlight the positive qualities your loved ones bring to the table. Write down a few keywords that describe their strengths, like “committed,” “loving,” or “dependable.” Then, share specific examples from your experiences that illustrate those strengths. Reminding them of their positive qualities, especially during challenging times, can be a powerful source of encouragement.
- Actions – Use the three-tier gratitude expression framework [Verbal, Concrete, Connective] to tailor your expressions of gratitude to your loved ones.
- Start by identifying the needs and wants of our loved ones
- Check in with loved ones to confirm their needs and wants
- Express connective gratitude
Example:
A son feels a surge of gratitude for his mother as he visits her during her cancer recovery. He wants to express his appreciation in a way that acknowledges her struggles and strengthens their bond. You may consider the following dialogue:
Mother: Sigh. I miss being out and about. It feels like forever since I’ve gotten some fresh air but I’m stuck here now.
Son: Mom are you feeling lonely? What can I do to make you feel better?
Mother: Can you spend more time with me?
Son: Definitely! You spent so much time with me when I was younger. Don’t worry, I’ll be here for you.
Conclusion
Gratitude’s superpower lies in its flexibility. There’s no single perfect way to express it. What truly matters is the genuine and sincere appreciation behind your words or actions. A heartfelt “thank you” to a loved one can hold immense power. Let’s weave gratitude into our daily lives. By consciously acknowledging the positive contributions of others, we not only strengthen our relationships but also cultivate a more positive and supportive world for everyone.
If you are looking for ways to express gratitude and give back to the community, consider joining us as a volunteer today!
Facing a difficult journey like cancer can feel overwhelming but you do not have to go through it alone. Our counsellors are here to support you every step of the way. You may reach out to our counsellors should you require support.
